Different relationships with the same type of person = a need to repair our negative core beliefs we subconsciously have.
Core beliefs are developed in childhood. Our relationships with our caregivers determine how we see ourselves, others, how others treat us, and our safety in this world. If our childhoods are less than nurturing it sets up a belief that we’re defective, unlovable and unworthy. We subconsciously look to others to fill that hole… so therefore our picker is off.
We tell ourselves we’ll “never be with someone like daddy”, but we can’t help but find daddy. It’s what we’re used to AND we are really trying to recreate that same relationship with daddy to finally get daddy’s love.
We subconsciously try to fix that first relationship with subsequent partners now playing the role. These subsequent partners are usually dysfunctional in the same way daddy was. They may not have the exact same issues as daddy on the surface, but when you look deep into the core behavior (abandonment, unavailable, emotionless, etc) you’ll recognize daddy all over again.
To repair it means we must learn to parent or nurture and self soothe that child… teach him/her that she is lovable and worthy. Healing also comes when we recognize that our caregivers were typically raised in less than nurturing homes as well and they learned the same faulty behaviors and developed the same negative core beliefs that we, in turn, learned from them. It’s a cycle that repeats itself until we decide to heal our childhood wounds. Therapists can help us through the process to heal those wounds.
